Waiting for Goodbye

It's been kind of crazy lately and I haven't had time to just write. My hubby is in the army national guard and is being deployed soon. I have known about from before we got engaged. I knew it would be hard but I don't think it really sinks in till you have to start facing it and making changes in your life. Sometimes, I feel like I am drowning when I think about it. Not being able to cuddle up to him at night when I am cold, not feeling him squeeze my hand (three times) for I LOVE YOU, not being able to look in his chocolate brown eyes, missing the way he gently brushes my hair out of my face and kisses my cheek.

 Then there's the worry. I worry that he will always be safe, I worry about if he will get lonely, I worry about whether the people around him will be a negative influence. I worry about how 1 in 3 marriages end after deployment. I know that would never happen to Scott and I but its terrible numbers and it makes me sad for all those families. My hubby even had a guy in his Unit bet him $100 on if I would be there when he gets back. My hubby took the bet. I know we are stronger than that, we both knew this wasn't a marriage for good times but instead forever. I'm trying to not panic and stay positive and just enjoy every moment but we seem to keep taking turns being upset about it.

Something I do know is, Heavenly Father does not give us trials we cannot overcome. I know he will lift my hubby and I up when we fall down and we will be constantly leaning on him and eachother. But all in all, I think we will grow closer. We will really and truly appreciate every little thing about eachother with a renewed vigor.  Heavenly Father is polishing our family and I feel more so me. He is taking another stab at teaching me patience. He wants me to become better at prayer, better at reading my scriptures and better at going to the temple. I know I won't make it through this year without those.

I know sometimes people say their grateful for trials and everybody rolls there eyes. I will not say I am grateful for trials but I will say I am grateful to know that God sees potential in me. He has faith I can grow and learn and become even a better person. He sees that I can go from a worn rock to a polished jewel. And that I am grateful for.

Being Perfected Through Trials

^{"It is necessary that we should know our own weaknesses, and the weaknesses of our fellow men; our own strength as well as the strength of others; and comprehend our true position before God, angels, and men; that we may be inclined to treat all with due respect, and not to over value our own wisdom or strength, nor depreciate it, nor that of others; but put our trust in the living God, and follow after him, and realise that we are his children, and that he is our Father, and that our dependence is upon him, and that every blessing we receive flows from his beneficent hand.10}

Peter in speaking of [trials], said: “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.” [1 Peter 4:12–13.] He might just as well have told them that it would be so, so long as there was a God in heaven, and a devil in hell; and it is absolutely necessary that it should be so. Concerning these matters I do not have any trouble. What if we have to suffer affliction! We came here for that purpose; we came in order that we might be purified; and this is intended to give us a knowledge of God, of our weakness and strength; of our corruptions, … to give us a knowledge of eternal life, that we may be enabled to overcome all evil and be exalted to thrones of power and glory.^11"